Coffee Cat Bandit

Imagine seeing a door that reads, “employee entrance” that leads to an office break room and walking in to see freshly brewed coffee with all the fixings waiting for you to sample it.

A male employee aka Captain Caffeine observes the unfamiliar person in break room and asks, “May I help You?”

Coffee Crook: “No.”

Captain Caffeine realizes this woman is clearly not a part of the office staff so he re-phrases the question, “Do you need something?”

Coffee Crook: “I’m good.”

Captain Caffeine is baffled as he watches Coffee Crook go to the coffee machine, fill up a cup, throw in some sugar and cream and mix it up with a stirrer to her desired taste. Then, she exits out the door and walks across the hall to another suite!  

WARNING! WARNING!  We have a coffee cat bandit!!

Captain Caffeine‘s head was still shaking as he came over to tell me of the flagrant security breach!  Being chivalrous, he did not shackle her to the counter and wait for Java Security to embarrass this person IN PERSON.  He let her have her last sip…of the coveted crappy coffee. I love how evasive she was as she slipped by Captain Caffeine to get her fix.

I’m picturing a couple of scenarios:

1) She is visiting across the way and has to use communal restroom. On her way back, she eyes the coveted coffee and slyly enters after someone comes in or out after he or she used the restroom!  

2) She is visiting across the way and wants a cup of Joe.  The staff there said, “We don’t have any, go across the way! While you are at it, can you grab me a Diet Coke from their vending machine and fill my ice bucket?!”  Yes, like our employee break room is some sort of endless resource like at a hotel with a continental breakfast included…

Was this a one-time offense or does she come over once a day? Does she sit on her fit-ball and case the joint, waiting for her opening to grab the coffee?  Oh my, does she take our bagels, too?!  Pizza? That extra sandwich?

It’s just odd.  How many people would go in a door that says, “employee entrance” to an office that you don’t work at? I mean, unless you were making a delivery, or something?  It’s brazen and goofy!  

You can put many scenarios in your head and most of them are pretty funny.  At minimum, it is material for a blog post and the discovery made many of my colleagues wish they could have witnessed this happen.  It’s a whole new level of water cooler talk!  

Posted on April 30, 2012, in Rant, Rave and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Well, she could be an employee in the other office so when she saw the employees only sign, she thought, “heck, I’m an employee!” Perhaps you should feel good that your break room has become “the place” to go for coffee. Do you offer free pastries? Mocha lattes? Can I have your address? BTW you spelled coffee kat wrong! Fun post.

  2. Thanks for the great pick me up after a grinding day! No puns intended 🙂

  3. I love it! Great piece. I wonder which scenario was true!

    • Thank you, Teri! I am amazed how my work pieces seem to go over so well but I guess people can relate to office angst! I thought it was nervy enough that she used our coffee machine but then it was pointed out that she warmed up her old coffee in our microwave! I half expected a note the next day, expressing disapproval that I didn’t make waffles 😉

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