The Adventures of Self Impressed
My office is shutting down. For those who have followed my blog, you may be thinking this is Ground Hog Day because I wrote the same thing just about a year ago after I was just getting used to my 68th floor view of Lake Michigan but I digress. I’m pretty sure I have the office move process down pat by now.
As I toss old items and stumble upon old mementos, it reminds me of all of the charming and witty characters that have filled my days with laughter at this place. One that comes to mind is that of the amusing stylings of SELF IMPRESSED. Just by his name, you know he is smitten with himself. The King of Quips did have a great singing voice and was in good shape as many were reminded during various muscle flexing sessions.
We’d be working on a project and he couldn’t remember his password, so he would pause and look at me with complete sincerity and ask, “Do you think I used REALLY GOOD LOOKING or just EASY ON THE EYES?”
We worked on many projects together and had many battles for creative license because we both have improvisation experience and even graduated with the same majors and minors. One time we did a spoof of 60 Minutes, I was Barbara Walters with the R done just right. In fact, I remember the President and Vice President of our company, at that time, falling out of their chairs howling from my rendition…but I digress once again. SELF IMPRESSED played MIKE WALLACE. He was completely straight to my completely raw, I mean,”WAW” Bawbawa and it was magic.
If he thought I was having a rough day, he would attempt to disarm me with, “I am tired of your bull ….”. Then, he would follow it up with, “I’m gong to knock somebody out and I think his/her name is….” and start singing it and putting in names of people until I’d cave and laugh. He’d kiss his biceps and say things such as, “Have you ever seen anyone as good-looking as me? I mean, really?”
Clearly SELF IMPRESSED has it all going on. Like the time, he finally traded in his very old vehicle. Nobody thought he would. To our surprise, he came back to the office with a beautiful SUV. We were all really impressed with SELF IMPRESSED. I have to say. He did his research. Who wouldn’t if they were buying a car, right? It’s a big purchase, one would HOPE he did his research. But one hot day in the summer, his boss is driving with him and demanded that the cabin on the vehicle be cooled down immediately.
SELF IMPRESSED bumbles and stutters at the realization that he couldn’t. His dream vehicle came at a very good price because it did not come with air conditioning! He promptly dropped his boss off and made a bee line to the dealership asking why the A/C emblem was not displayed in his car. The “misunderstanding” was resolved and he traded that car in for yet another vehicle that had A/C in it.
One day he was picking up food at a neighboring establishment. He paid the first person and then drove on to pick up the food. As he is about to drive off with his treats in hand, he heard a thud. Shaken, he said that he had run over a rock!
No such a thing, he ran over the foot of the employee who had handed him the food! SELF IMPRESSED smiled, apologized for the mishap, and ensured the driver was okay before he drove on his way.
His narcissistic tendencies were endearing. In fact, I reinforced his good singing voice by having him record my ringtone on my phone. Instead of “Heart Breaker”, it was “Rein Maker”. It was a big loss when he left but I’m lucky we had that time together.