If Cars Could Talk

Distracted drivers are at an all-time high. You know what I mean. We are stressed out or maybe even happy. We have places to go. People are texting or emailing us or putting a new photo on Facebook. We have lists in our head of everything that needs to get done. Temptation is all around us. It seems that people behind the wheel think that there is always something more pressing than focusing on the road. I have an idea to right this wrong.

Change the sound of horns in cars to a collection of riveting melodies called the Honk-Off Collection.

You are at a light and someone just honked at you.  You are flummoxed and your first inclination is to be rude and honk back.  Your second inclination is that if you did do something wrong, you want to say you’re sorry and you want to know what you did.  With a simple click,  you can reply to the initial honk.

The honks can get more intense (but not jarring like the current honk sounds) and the streets would become a delightful symphony of cryptic communication – giving new meaning to NOISE POLLUTION. The car is so smart it can translate what the honk is and the dashboard would display it like caller id does now. There would be such comforting and educational honk tones as:

  • Move Over, You Cut Me Off!
  • Increase Speed to Posted MPH, Please!
  • Lift Up Your Head, the Light is Green!
  • I Totally Know You! Instead of Texting that Person Right Now, You Could Be Talking to Me!
  • You’re About to Hit That Pothole, Swerve!

Let’s be honest, most of the time the honkee doesn’t even know what one did to deserve the initial honk. All that little love tap of the steering wheel does is cause confusion and possible chaos on the road.  

As an added value to the coveted Honk-Off Collection, we could just have in intercom in the car. Just tell people how you feel as if on a sales call:

“Slow poke! I’m about to cut you off.  Be ready!”

“If I understand you correctly, you feel that you must cut me off. Other people have felt the same way and I’m truly sorry about that.”

Momma, why is that car yelling at you?!

Momma, why is that car yelling at you?!

What about the children?!  The young ones would be scarred by this behavior and the older ones would turn into worse distracted drivers than what we have right now. It’s not going to happen, nor do I want that to happen.

But I really wonder if kids notice how distracted their parents are right now.

Maybe we should start with minimizing driver distraction that causes people to merit the honks in the first place! Uh oh, I need to go.  I just realized there is a stop light ahead.

….Ed. note: Rest assured, I DID NOT write this post while driving in my car! Drive safe, folks.

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Posted on June 13, 2013, in Rant, Rave and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Love it! I wrote a post on horn honking a few months ago. In our area a guy was driving well below the speed limit and weaving so another driver honked probably thinking he was texting or on a phone or changing radio stations. (I expect it was a “hey dude, whatcha doing” honk. However, the weaver got angry and shot out the windows of the honker. No one was hurt except the car windows but it must have been frightening. People need to learn honk behavior!

  2. Thanks, Kate. I can’t imagine how disturbing that must have been to see a window get shot out right in front of you! I remember the post. Honking can be so counter productive. Obviously if you are going to prevent an accident or mishap, hit the horn. If you are in a bad mood and just want to vent, probably not the right route – pardon the pun, or not 😉

  3. If cars could talk – awesome!
    When I drive I never ever try to text or take a call or do anything else. I just love driving. It’s such a stress buster if there are no maniacs out there (I’m from India, things are much worse there). Some truck drivers (~ 70%) keep a hand on the horn rather than the gear stick, they use horns like a musical instrument. But a lot of times, I just go into a zone while driving and just don’t pay attention to all the nuisance around me!

  4. My car wouldn’t talk much. I am horrible at hitting the horn. I just forget about it in all scenarios where a horn could come into play.

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