Finding the Right Pair of Glasses
“Your face is off.” That is a memorable quote from my visit with a feisty little optician in the fall of 2011.
Flash forward to almost two and half years later. I am gazing upon the eye-glass frames at a different store, eagerly wondering what fantastic frame will bless my face while I play tennis and take my refreshing bike rides to the Chicago Botanic Garden when it is NOT 0 degrees outside.
I remark to the optician, “I really like purple.”
She handed me an ugly maroon/bruise colored oblong goofy-shaped frame and said, “Here, these are sporty.” I gasped at the not only ugly color but the incredibly unflattering frame shape. I put them on and looked like Mrs. Magoo.
The fitting was complicated by the fact that I could not see through the hooey on the faux lenses. So I had to squint to get a clue as to what they might actually look like.
She walked away and offered, “Look around, these will all fit your face.” That is, of course, not true. There wasn’t a huge range to select from and the few purples one were either too large or too expensive.
I stood there and looked at the frames, underwhelmed. In the background, I heard a very nice lady saying hello to me but she then left for her break! Of course!! The Crabby Optician said, “If you are looking for smaller frames, you can look in the kid section but the temples may not reach your ears.” She was really THAT helpful.
Fabulous! I so want kiddish cartoonery on the temples of my glasses. But I digress. I did try a pair on – out of curiosity. They were teal in the front and then the back of the frame black with black temples. They were actually pretty cute. Revived with hope, I look at the optician. She deadpanned, “They make it look like your nose is trying to fall off your face.”
I pondered as to what the hell that might mean. I guess she was colorfully suggesting the bridge of my nose looked uncomfortably squished between the frame? Okay…
As with all things, I ended up going with a black frame to which I had first migrated before my frame exploration began. I don’t love it, but it’s the least offensive frame I could select. It is to be hoped that when I put them on, it won’t look like MY FACE IS OFF…