Two Years of Laughter and Tears

My blog turns two next week!  I certainly haven’t ranted as much as I could. In fact, the one time I did, my mom said, “That wasn’t very nice.”  I reminded her what a rant was and also thought, “Were you not there in the house when I was growing up?”  But, I digress.

I have to say that I never thought I would be THAT blogger who can gain traffic when someone types, “Dental Floss Flicking“, “Baby Door Hanger“, “Lavender Tie with Blue Shirt“, or “Squirrels in My Pants 2005” – but for people who do, their dreams are fulfilled by connecting with some post written by me.

Here are snippets from three of my favorite posts.  You should probably click on the links to read the whole thing, because they may seem out of context. But maybe you expect to be confused after you leave here. Is it just me, or are you hearing Kenny Rogers sing, “Through The Years” right now?!

For reasons I don’t understand, one of my most popular posts is “Curse of the Crooked Glasses“. I’m guessing it’s because it’s amusing and you get treated to seeing a 4-year-old kid with glasses. In fact, a lifelong friend suggested that I was born with my glasses on and that may be why I have challenges with crooked glasses to this day.  I’m not ruling that out.

This is how the conversation went at a recent glasses adjustment session:

ME: “My glasses seem off, can you fix them?”

OPTICIAN: “They seem fine to me, you need a new hobby.”

ME: “My reunion is today, I would like them to look perfect for the event.”

OPTICIAN: “Your face is a bit off.” 

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Up in the rankings is a momentum shifter, “Boom Boom, Attack of the Broom“.

When I moved into my place years ago, my neighbor slipped a note under my door, kindly asking that I not engage in any activity that involved my oven.  Cooking, in her mind, was a crime and any odors that were emitted from using the oven would not be tolerated.

I thought that was ridiculous and pretty amusing given that I hadn’t used the oven. I told her that, so I became “cool” in her book. Well, I told her that I hadn’t used the oven, not the ridiculous part.

She continued to spout the evils of cooking  to my entire wing.  She went off on a neighbor for baking cookies, stating that they were odoriferous.

Then, she tackled the neighbor across the way, suggesting that people refrain from cooking during the holidays. I laughed and countered with, “You can’t cancel Christmas.” 

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I guess the third post that stands out for me is “Canned Salmon Fallout“.  It represents the chaos surrounding my life, nicely. 

Last week, something that seemed so funny and innocuous turned into utter chaos! My Facebook family turned on me. It made me wonder, is it possible that I am Larry David’s lost-long progeny, Lauren David? 

Let’s consider how this is possible:

1. I am sarcastic
2. I am extremely misunderstood. Cannot stress this point enough.
3. People typically run in fear when they see me.
4. Sometimes, I really don’t understand why people are so “put off” by something that I don’t think is a big deal.
5. I understand his point of view more than I don’t.
6. I wear corrective lenses, perhaps that is why I “see” where he is coming from.
7. My mom says that I am my “father’s daughter” frequently. Usually when I have done something Larry-David-like.
8. My name is Lauren, so I could have very well been named after him until  I looked at him crossly so he gave me up.

Just  the same, I don’t consider myself to be a bad person. Nor do I think he is. I think his character on”Curb Your Enthusiasm” is hysterical. He allows us to be ourselves and not feel bad.  _________________________________________________________________________________________________

To my Rein Rant N’ Rave Nation, I salute the delight of your existence.  While your membership may be intentional, accidental, or under duress, I don’t really care. You’re here and I’m giddy with gratitude.